Trailblazing

How emotion can make you more influential and memorable

September 5, 2010 at 4:15 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I was fooled. Fooled into believing that I was truly attracted to a girl I had met several weeks before. But as I found out earlier today, I wasn’t. Let me explain…

Erin was hosting a party for my roommate Aeron’s birthday. Erin was staying at her parents beautiful waterfront condo overlooking False Creek, a prestigious area in Vancouver’s Yaletown, the yuppie area of Van. Being fairly new to town and wanting to get to know my roommate and her group of friends a little better I willingly accepted. That Thursday night I had previously signed up to go to an entrepreneurial networking event and told Erin I would arrive shortly after 9.

After a surprisingly awkward interaction with these entrepreneurs – surprising because I expected them to have extraordinary people skills and was shocked to find nearly 3/4’s of them to be conversationally awkward, maybe from all the years of selling themselves and their ideas – I called Aeron to get directions to the party. As usual, I had doubts in my mind as to whether or not I should attend this party. Networking events always stimulate my creative mind and novel ideas were racing through my head. To top it off, I had images of me being supremely productive as I thought that the only way to be successfully self employed is to work hard and say no to others. As the phone rang, I questioned whether I already networked enough for one night and it was time to go be a loner hard worker at home. I often struggle with the competing thoughts of maintaining a rich social life and achieving career success; tonight my social life won. I decided, as the phone continued to ring, that I would commit to the party and be “in the moment”. It was very calming. I began envisioning what the party might look like: maybe 15 – 20 people, a mix of well dressed men and women in their early to late 30’s, would each be casually drinking a beer or a glass of wine while cigarette and marijuana smoke would flow smoothly from the patio into the night sky and the conversation would be intelligent and sophisticated. At 25 I would definitely be the youngest and would probably be looked down upon by these sophisticated elders. Maybe I should just go home and be a loner.

Aeron answered and was happy to hear that I was coming. She gave me the address and just before hanging up she asked if I was excited to be the only guy at a party of eight girls. Me and 8 girls? Nice!

I was slightly intimidated by the thought that I would be the only guy. Don’t get me wrong, it was an exciting thought. But still, I was intimidated. I felt like I would be judged, both as Aeron’s new roommate and as a man in general, by my presence at this party. I better be ON tonight.

I began the 20 minute walk to Erin’s house. I purposely slowed my pace and forced myself to smile in a light-hearted way. I knew that if I could spend the next 20 minutes getting into the right frame of mind I would be able to radiate my positive, youthful energy to the girls and would give off a fun and charming impression – and hey, maybe meet an older woman in the process! I began saying hi to random people I walked by and engaging in quick conversations with the people beside me who waited at the stop light.

I arrived to the prestigious condo unit shortly after 10. Immediately I was blown away by the grandiose feeling this building gives off: False Creek waterfront, 26 levels, 225 large luxury suites including this $18 million penthouse suite. Wow, this is going to be an awesome night. But of course, a building this epic cannot be easy to get inside. I took me nearly 30 minutes, buzzing wrong units, prying on doors that were always locked, and sneaking into wrong entrances behind other tenants until I found the right entrance (I’m sure I wasn’t giving off the best impression to the security guards who were patrolling the building). As I finally entered the building, a little more stressed due to the “where the hell is the right door” debacle, I ran into Erin in the lobby. Her bubbly personality and her genuine character make her a pleasure to run into and tonight was no exception. She gave me a big smile from across the room which was followed by a big hug which calmed my nerves. We took the elevator upstairs and Erin began explaining the party scene. “There are 8 of us in total and we’ve been drinking wine and having appetizers all night. You know you’re the only boy tonight, right?” she exclaimed with a little wink in her right eye. I said nothing but gave her a pleased smile. I was ready for this.

As I entered the apartment, I tried to muster up every last ounce of energy and confidence that I had in me. I quickly reminded myself how. Loud projected voice, strong, upright posture, be in-the-moment, smile, have fun. Erin escorted me into the living room where the other 7 girls were sitting. Some sat cross-legged on the modern sofa, a few more were relaxed in leather love seats, and two sat on the floor positioning themselves perfectly next to the table full of appetizers and wine. They were all dressed exceptionally and each one drank a glass of wine. The scene immediately reminded me of Sex in the City. I love sophisticated girls. This was so different from the last few years of my life where I was used to the college life which included hanging out with early 20 year olds at house parties filled with people arguing over who won the last flip-cup contest. This was different and I liked it.

As soon as I entered the room the female energy escalated as they shouted phrases like “Oooww our male entertainment has arrived!” and “Stripper!” I playfully began pulling at my shirts buttons, pretending I was going to give them a personalized show. This must be every guys dream!

After the initial rush subdued, I went around the room and greeted each girl with a handshake. Erin came back to the living room and offered me a beer at which point I pulled up another love seat and positioned myself into the already formed circle. The conversation, still piqued from the only male arriving at the party, had a group conversation to it as Aeron and I explained the recent story of me walking in on her in her underwear. It was exciting, fun, and I was in my glory. The conversation naturally broke up and small mini conversations started to form. Sitting to my right was a beautiful young lady named Lindy. I struck up a conversation with her and quickly learned that after years of free work and unpaid internships, she now owned her own company that consulted fashion-related business throughout North America on how to use social media to best represent themselves and their brands. Being a striving entrepreneur and someone who is driven to the self-employed style of work, I immediately took a liking to her. Plus she wasn’t that bad to look at. Blond wavy hair flowed to her mid-back, big brown eyes attentively held the flow of the conversation, and her well dressed, well spoken professional image put it over the top. I officially had a crush.

An hour goes by and Aeron, realizing that she has to drive 18 hours to Saskatchewan the next day, announces she’s heading home and asked if I would like to join. Sensing that the party was breaking up and that I would have a free ride home, I agreed. I left that night thinking how cool it was to hang out with this group of sophisticated, older women. Man, my life is good!

Life continues and the party and Lindy are forgotten. Well, sort of. It’s not every day that you get to be the only guy at a party with 8 beautiful women so naturally I enjoyed bringing this story up to my friends. “You were the only guy with 8 girls?! How the hell did you swing that one?” was their usual response. It felt good.

Several weeks went by and I was surprised to realize that Lindy was still on my mind. She was cute – I would love to see her again. When Aeron brought up that night one day while sitting in our living room, I couldn’t help but mention what a fun time I had talking with Lindy. “I was really attracted to her that night. She was a complete cutie, had that sexy professional look to her, and the conversation was amazing.” I told Aeron, unsure of what her reaction would be.

“Wait, are you actually attracted to her or were you just attracted to the situation?” she said.

“No, I was definitely attracted to her. She was a complete cutie.” I responded. She was, right? She wasn’t the best looking one there that night but she was surely attractive. What’s with this question?

“Ok….” Aeron didn’t believe me, I could tell. But I remember, she had style. She was sophisticated and accomplished. She was a good conversationalist. And she was cute. Surely I was attracted to her, right? “You know she’s younger than you are, right?” Aeron continued.

“What! No way, she has to be at least late 20’s.” I didn’t believe it. How could she have done so much and be self-employed while being younger than 25. Not possible. Aeron, not being the type to go on hearsay, called her to get her age.

“Oh, you are 24,” I heard Aeron say, “Collin and I were just talking about that. He could’ve sworn that you were older because of everything you’ve done.” I couldn’t believe it, only 24 and she’s accomplished so much. I think I’m more attracted to her now. I secretly wanted Aeron to tell Lindy what we were talking about, how I was attracted to her, and to set up a time for us to hang out again, matchmaker style. That’s what a good roommate is for, right?

“Why were we talking about that? Um… we were just talking about the party from a while ago and Collin said… that he thought you were a great conversationalist.” Smooth, Aeron, smooth.

“What did she say when you told her I thought she was a good conversationalist?” I was hoping that she said something back, something like ‘Ya I had a great time with him, too’ or ‘Oh ya, he was really cute’. Instead she said ‘cool.’ I realized my wishful thinking was a bit of a fantasy. I took pleasure in the fact that she received a compliment which probably brightened up her day.

This morning, a week after that compliment was given, Aeron say’s, “Just to let you know Lindy is stopping by in a few hours.”

“Cool.” I was kind of excited to see her again. Maybe we’ll have another great conversation. But I wasn’t expecting fireworks to fly. I was curious to see whether that feeling I had at that party would still be there.

Lindy arrived a little after 2:00 pm. I had just got out of the shower and was in my room changing when I heard her arrived. I finished getting dressed and came out to be social. I expected to feel that attraction again. “Hey ladies!” I chimed as I came out of my room and around the corner of the living room. There she was sitting on the couch, the girl I had crushed over at a party nearly a month earlier. She was… different. This couldn’t be what she actually looked like, was it? I remember her being so… so… so hot. What happened? I was shocked to see her again. Shocked because the image I had in my mind was not what I was seeing in front of me. What happened to that beautiful smile, that perfectly shaped face, and that runner’s body that I remember? I remembered back to when Aeron questioned whether I was actually attracted to her or just attracted to the situation. She was right; I was just attracted to the situation.

I was surprised to realize that I could have been that misled by the emotion of the moment. I fully bought into the situation I was in and made myself believe that I was completely attracted to this girl. Don’t get me wrong she is still an amazing conversationalist and a great person through and through. But I wasn’t physically attracted to her like I thought I was. It was purely the emotion of the moment that made me think I was. I was fooled.

Jonathan Fields wrote a great post about selling to the driving emotion which I think really relates to this story. But I don’t think this is just limited to the art of selling. It’s for everything: reading a book, eating a meal, starting a business, or meeting a new person. If you can include emotion into each one of these activities, they will be more memorable and have greater influence on us. How many times do you remember eating a plain old boring bowl of Kraft dinner? You might remember them in general, but do you actually remember a specific one of them in such detail that you’ll never forget it? Probably not and if you do then it probably doesn’t impact your life in any significant way. But let’s say a birthday dinner out to a fancy restaurant with all your friends where you were served a delicious 10 oz filet mignon served with a cranberry pecan salad topped with crumbled goat cheese and drizzled with lemon vinaigrette while sipping a well aged glass of pinot noir. This will definitely be memorable and it will probably influence your future birthday dinners. And not just because it was more expensive than KD but because it is emotional. You had your friends, it was a birthday, and the food was presented in a beautiful way. Emotions not only sell but are memorable and influential as well.

Is it bad to influence people emotionally? I don’t think so. I may have been fooled to think that a girl was more attractive than she really was but is there anything wrong with that? If only we could be so lucky as to have that strong of emotions with each of our interactions.

So next time you cook someone a meal, write a new blog post, or meet someone new, try to make it more emotional and see how it affects the situation.